Humor

10 Math Problems for Freelancers That Are Way Too Real

By Shannon Reed November 18th, 2015

1) Five hours into her six hours of sleep, Maria awakens with a great idea for an op-ed about the Starbucks Christmas cups controversy. If Maria abandons her final hour of sleep to get up and write the pitch, and it is five days since the controversy went viral, how many hours does Maria have to pitch her story before it is old news?

Please show your work, including a graph plotting the speed of Maria’s typing against the rate a meme becomes “so over.”

2) The babysitter for Jim’s child needs to leave “no later” than 5:30 p.m. in order to make it to her evening class. Jim’s article on mortgage rates is due by 6 p.m. to his editor.

If Jim begins work at 4 p.m., how many times may he nod off for three minutes before he will be forced to finish writing his article while also playing Simon Says with his three-year-old?

Extra credit: Calculate the same answer, but with Jim’s editor in a time zone one hour east.

3) Claire has an important interview with a minor celebrity this afternoon. She has downloaded three different voice-recording apps to her cellphone and will bring along a separate handheld tape recorder as well.

If Claire starts all four recorders at the same time, what is the percentage of the likelihood that Claire’s phone will stop working entirely? Also, estimate the number of minutes likely to be erased from the actual interview after Claire asks the minor celebrity to record a greeting for her voicemail on the hand-held tape recorder.

4) Kerry’s electricity, water, Internet, and car payments are all due this month. Kerry can only afford to pay one of those bill on time unless Kerry’s frickin’ editor pays the frickin’ money he owes Kerry for an article submitted three weeks ago ASAP.

Kerry cannot complete work without the Internet. However, Kerry cannot run the Internet without electricity. Also, Kerry has three extra-large bottles of Gatorade in the closet and lives within walking distance of a bus line that runs directly past Kerry’s gym. Which bill Kerry should pay first?

5) A man who Ming met briefly at a networking event has emailed her to ask for a contact at a prestigious website that Ming writes for. If Ming begins to fret over whether to share her contact with this man at 11:07 a.m., how many seconds is she likely to waste before deciding to tell him no at 4:33 p.m.?

Extra credit: Calculate the number of seconds if Ming frets until 5:12 p.m. only to see there’s another note from the man reading, in its entirety, “Never mind. Found it.”

6) Leon decides that he will eat one Snickers fun-size bar after completing each illustration in a set of 12, which are due at 5 p.m.. After the first illustration is complete, Leon eats one Snickers fun-size bar. After two illustrations are complete, Leon eats two more Snickers fun-size bars. If Leon continues this pattern, how many calories will he consume by the deadline?

Extra credit: Plot, on a graph, the calories Leon consumed vs. the calories he would have consumed if he had eaten one regular-size Snickers bar and been done with it like he knew he should have been.

7) Jill is at a family gathering. If x = the amount of potential stories Jill comes up with based on a family member’s conversation, and y = the number of times a family member elbows her and says, “Now there’s a good story, right?” what fraction correctly represents the ratio of stories Jill might write versus those that are, obviously, ridiculously unusable?

8) Nancy and Carlos both work out of the home they share. They each have a home office, which is dedicated solely to their freelance work. Nancy takes the kids to school on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and Carlos takes the kids to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and to soccer practice on Saturdays. They equally share in the housework, never interrupt each other while working, and file taxes on their freelance incomes on a quarterly basis.

On a line graph, plot where you stopped believing this story about Nancy and Carlos, and then calculate, roughly, what percentage of the story was known to you to be total bullshit.

9) In trying to locate a source for an investigative article she is writing, Siovhan calls 15 different Motel 6s in Texas. At each one, the desk clerk answers by saying, “Motel 6, can you hold?” before putting Siovhan on hold without waiting for an answer.

Which of these is statistically the most likely moment when Siovhan lost it?

A) When the first hotel desk clerk said, “Motel 6, can you hold?”

B) When the seventh hotel desk clerk said, “Motel 6, can you hold?”

C) When the seventh hotel desk clerk mistakenly hung up on Siovhan, causing her to have to call back, and, before she could say anything, the desk clerk asked her, “Motel 6, can you hold?”

D) When Siovhan called the 12th Motel 6 and realized that she had already heard the voice of the desk clerk asking her to hold, which meant that somewhere along the line, she had lost track of which Motel 6 she was calling, so now she’d have to call them all again, and why, God, why?

10) Janelle is a freelance writer. Rank the following in order of how likely they are to happen on a typical Thursday morning.

A) Janelle will wear pajama pants after 1 p.m.

B) A elderly neighbor will ask Janelle, “Don’t you ever have to go to work?”

C) The email Janelle is waiting for will not arrive.

D) A room in Janelle’s home will need to be cleaned before she can get to work.

E) Janelle will add “fun-size Snickers bars” to her shopping list.

Image by Humannet
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